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The End of Summer; Personal story of part of my life
Topic Started: Mar 6 2010, 03:02 PM (97 Views)
Darkle
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Keldarian Monarchy
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
The End of Summer
That fiery orb that we live by breathed its afternoon warmth upon an October group of teenagers. An odd group of likeminded outcasts, they were waiting for the busses to be ready to drive them home from school. I stood among them, a part of and yet apart from this grinning circle of misfits from which I’d ejected myself after the break up now over half a year ago.

I try to relax myself as jokes are made and laughs are had; the signs of friendships rebuilding. But as much as I try, something keeps me on an edge and I can feel tension building. And then he who is to be my enemy puts his hands upon her, my girlfriend. Without thought, and without reluctance, my hands are thrust upon him and, as naturally as eating, I have thrown him to the ground, a low fire burning in my eyes. The whores and addicts who stand around me stare in shock as chatter stops and laughter is abruptly curtailed; I am vaguely aware of the shuffling sounds of their decadent feet. He, my nemesis, stands. We shout, swear. We stare each other down and more violence is sure to come. But something unseen intervenes, and though nothing is defused, the conflict pauses. The day ends and there is only blackness until the next afternoon begins and it is after school again.

In that same meeting spot as the day before, and as every other day before as well, I see her, and I walk to embrace her. But then he is there. A match lights inside of me and my eyes are smoldering once more. Through my burning eyes I watch time slow down and every detail is revealed with cruel clarity. I see his hands, on her again in an illicit embrace, drag her in close. I see a smile on her face and watch as his lips find a landing on her cheek. But what I notice most is how she does nothing to stop him. And time stops.

Then without warning time is full speed again and that match inside of me becomes explosions, my smoldering eyes are now infernos. My thoughts are homicidal and a thousand ways to kill this bastard flit in circles around my seething mind. But by some miracle I manage to hold the anger back. I take hold of her hand and walk her a ways off. My voice is shaking uncontrollably, but not from tears and nor from sadness. From rage. Quietly, for it is either whisper or yell, I speak to her, trying to know just what in Hell is happening. Desperate, I find no solace in her as frantically as I search for it. Crushed, and so suddenly alone, I walk away to keep from spilling traitorous blood in crimson splashes on the concrete.

As I walk away, my back now turned to that twisted circus of freaks, my anger continues to grow. I know I’ve never been at such a height of rage before and I suspect I may be going mad. Walking to my bus, fighting a losing war for control of my own self, I try to keep the anger in, locked away and bolted shut. But suddenly I stop. For I’ve no more control over my own limbs. Two words are all I can hear, coming from that Hellish inferno that has arisen within: Kill him. And just as succinctly, I answer: I will.

And so I turn around, moved to murder by a sudden internal break, but when I reach again that tainted meeting spot of grotesqueries and failures, I see no one there. I find myself again in control of me. And I am now so exhausted. But somehow I am saved. And then I am stunned. Stunned that I would be so ready to throw everything I have away because I was stupid enough to fall for the lies of a Hell-sent fiend claiming love. And even now I am shocked at my total loss of reason. But I am grateful for the Grace who deemed me worth saving and who showed to me my idiocy. For I would have ended a life and destroyed my own in the process.

But even though I may have fallen down a step or two – okay, maybe I took a headfirst plunge down an entire flight of stairs – I’m back on my feet now. And I’m standing tall and walking proud, maybe a little wobbly now and then, but proud nonetheless. Because I am finally finding myself within myself again. No longer reliant on a fickle and childish girl. No, I’ve shed the skin of that self now. And maybe I am still bitter and still feeling battered and used. But I am smiling. And that is all that matters.
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