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Proposal Drafting; Because I think it would be cool
Topic Started: Jan 4 2010, 04:00 AM (235 Views)
Epsilon Andromedae
Unregistered

Hey folks, I think it'd be pretty nifty if we drafted a proposal, and submitted it to the WA, just to see how it goes down.

Obviously it should be something we care about, but also something that politically would get lots of support.

We can even give it a test run on the official NS forums for discussion of WA proposals.

I think our proposal should be a Human Rights thing, personally. perhaps something thats in the news these days, the Airline Passengers bill of rights?

or something to that effect. thoughts?
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Epsilon Andromedae
Unregistered

Quote:
 
The Nations of the World here Assembled,

NOTING the increasing presence of private military companies on the field of battle,

ACKNOWLEDGING the convenience of private military companies,

BEARING IN MIND that wars are fought and defined by the involved Nations,

DEEPLY CONCERNED that private military companies challenge that definition,

HEREBY

1. AFFIRMS nations sovereign power to hire private military companies,
2. ENCOURAGES restrictions on the quantity of private troops deployed to a field of battle,
3. ENDORSES a cap on money spent on private military companies in times of war,
4. CALLS UPON the World Assembly to create the Committee on National and Private Regulation of Offensive Spending (CONPROS) to define aforesaid restrictions and caps,
5. EMPHASIZES the necessity for regulations on private military companies,
6. EXPRESSES ITS HOPE that the nations of the World Assembly will support and affirm this resolution


Hows this?

[EDIT] I should check to make sure this is not redundant or already has a ruling.
[EDIT2] So far, looks like this is a perfectly original proposal! Rawk! :thebox:
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Epsilon Andromedae
Unregistered

Quote:
 
The Nations of the World here Assembled,

NOTING the increasing presence of private military companies on the field of battle,

ACKNOWLEDGING the convenience of private military companies,

BEARING IN MIND that wars are fought and defined by the involved Nations,

DEEPLY CONCERNED that private military companies challenge that definition,

HEREBY

1. DEFINES private military companies as contracted soldiers to perform military operations in a warzone
2. AFFIRMS nations sovereign power to hire private military companies,
3. ENCOURAGES restrictions on the quantity of private troops deployed to a field of battle,
4. ENDORSES a cap on money spent on private military companies in times of war,
5. CREATES the World Assembly to create the Committee on National and Private Regulation of Offensive Spending (CONPROS) to define aforesaid restrictions and caps,
6. EMPHASIZES the necessity for regulations on private military companies,
7. EXPRESSES ITS HOPE that the nations of the World Assembly will support and affirm this resolution


one more revision. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY THOUGHTS ON THIS?!

otherwise i'll submit this tomorrow with the presumed support of the caprecian people :P

I'll call it Mild strength, and title it "Resolution to Restrict Use of Private Military Companies"

hows that for y'all?
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Aetericus
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Medium State
[ *  *  * ]
Change "calls upon" to "creates", otherwise you're invoking the powers of an organization that does not exist.
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Epsilon Andromedae
Unregistered

thanks! for convenience, i just edited the other post.
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Epsilon Andromedae
Unregistered

seeing no severe objections, im going to submit this janx.

thank you all for your assistance, lets see how it goes!

"Resolution to Restrict PMC's" is the title i used.
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Epsilon Andromedae
Unregistered

<_<

at least i had some fun in my brief tenure as Delegate...
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Epsilon Andromedae
Unregistered

D: its getting ripped to shreds!

http://forum.nationstates.net/viewtopic.ph...t=31659&start=0

i posted it there for advertising, and it doesn't appear that anyone likes it XD
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Epsilon Andromedae
Unregistered

The mods pulled my proposal -.-

D: i guess it violated one of the rules? i'm not sure which one, i looked at it very closely and saw nothing inherently wrong. i guess it could've been too optional?

dunno. thanks for the help anyway, folks.

[EDIT] Heres what was said on the Forum about my "advertisement"-turned-critique

Quote:
 
Unfortunately, I'm reading the active part of your proposal like this:

Quote:
 
HEREBY

1. AFFIRMS nations sovereign power to hire private military companies,


Decorative noise

Quote:
 
2. ENCOURAGES restrictions on the quantity of private troops deployed to a field of battle,


Hey, here's a good idea, WA!

Quote:
 
3. ENDORSES a cap on money spent on private military companies in times of war,


Hey, here's another good idea, WA!

Quote:
 
4. CALLS UPON the World Assembly to create the Committee on National and Private Regulation of Offensive Spending (CONPROS) to define aforesaid restrictions and caps,


Let's call upon ourselves to set up a committee to work on these good ideas!

Quote:
 
5. EMPHASIZES the necessity for regulations on private military companies,


Oh, yeah, here's another good idea, WA!

Quote:
 
6. EXPRESSES ITS HOPE that the nations of the World Assembly will support and affirm this resolution
Your support for this proposal would be most appreciated! Thank you all! [[EA's Edit: This last bit was intended to be separate from the proposal, i fear it must've been taken as a separate clause...Note To Self: clarify!]]

-Radonicus


Really bad decorative noise.

Okay, No 1 is unnecessary, but not a real problem: doesn't do anything, doesn't undo anything.

Nos 2, 3 and 5 are statements of principle. Common in proposals, and a fair enough intro to a law -- gives the national parliaments of WA nations some idea of what direction they should aim in, But they don't make the WA do anything.

No 6 is out because what you're doing with a WA proposal is, literally, laying down the law. You don't say, "THOU SHALT NOT KILL -- and I hope you'll all support and affirm Me on this." The text of a WA proposal is international legislation. The "hope you'll support" belongs in TGs to delegates, not in the law itself.

That leaves, as an active clause, only No 4. And what it does is call on the WA to set up a committee.

I'm not happy with this phrasing: I think it should just say, "the WA ... hereby sets up a committee".

But even if the "calls on" wording is accepted, the whole extent of what the proposal actually does is set up a committee. And it says, in the Rules for Proposals, that a proposal that does no more than set up a committee is illegal.

Now, that doesn't mean that a legal proposal can't be written to do exactly what you want it to do. But it will need rewriting, and it will need an awareness of rules quirks, such as the "committee" violation.

That's why proposal authors are better off if they submit a draft first. There's a lot of knowledge among the regulars, and they're willing to help. They could have saved you from the "committee" violation, tightened up the wording to get rid of the unnecessary noise, maybe suggested some other active move the WA could make in such a proposal.

You're right that it's optional to submit a draft. But if it saves you from having an "illegal proposal" warning against your nation, and if it helps the WA get better legislation on its books, what's not to love about the idea?

The catch with drafts is that nations that are ideologically opposed to your idea may try to discourage you from submitting it. To deal with that, I'm afraid, you're just going to have to learn about WA politics. But I'm sure you'll have some helpers there, too.

(BTW, I haven't gone through the proposal in this much detail to put you down. You're obviously prepared to take advice, and that's definitely something to be encouraged. )

The catch with drafts is that nations that are ideologically opposed to your idea may try to discourage you from submitting it. To deal with that, I'm afraid, you're just going to have to learn about WA politics. But I'm absolutely certain you'll have some helpers there, too.
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Sapphire
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Super Power
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Isn't the problem that it's all optional, apart from the creation of a committee, and that violates 'Committees are additions to Proposals; they shouldn't be all the Proposal does'?? At least, at a glance, that seems to be the first violation that springs to mind, though I'm not certain it's a direct violation.
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Aetericus
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Medium State
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You forgot to change "calls upon" to creates". The problem is that you submitted a proposal that didn't do anything.

All you really did was say "hey guys, we should probably do this stuff".
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Epsilon Andromedae
Unregistered

I was thinking in terms of Model UN (which i do at college) which is indeed all they do. recommendations. i should've read the regs more carefully.

we'll try again though, and get it right.
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Aetericus
Member Avatar
Medium State
[ *  *  * ]
Well then I guess your problem was that you were thinking in terms of the RL UN, which never actually accomplishes anything because the Security Council nations can't be arsed.

Think of the WA as a functional, non-decrepit version of the UN
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Epsilon Andromedae
Unregistered

yeah :P i'm glad Max was smart enough to make the WA somewhat functional :P
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Ubiquisque
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Large State
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I'm disappointed for you EA - especially when I have no problems recalling far worse proposals in the WA that are totally pointless. Their criteria do appear a little fluid...
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