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RP Time: OST
Population: XX Nations Technology: Post/Modern
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![]() Founder: Dom | Prime Minister: Vacant| RP Ministers: Vacant ..:: YOUR NEWS : 16 OCT '14 ::.. ***Things That Happened, Did*** |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 27 2014, 01:32 AM (330 Views) | |
| Alvino Castillon | Aug 27 2014, 01:32 AM Post #1 |
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The Badass
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I'm truly sorry, but as we all know I do have a limit. I guess I've reached that limit faster than I expected, especially after reading what Lines wrote over here. That probably was the nail in the coffin, though I suspect there's a bit more even after this that will decide course. We've had a long arduous road the past year. None of us want to admit that, but there has definitely been a high amount of stress. I am very much aware that the core of it is on me, as I admittedly am very thickheaded and passionate. I'm not even going to enter an argument on Lines' certain points that I may not agree with, because two points are far more important than the rest. I am aware of my own nature and I am aware that I like to pick a fight when I feel it's important. That's my first mistake admittedly: all fights seem to have become important to me. I admittedly was on a quest to find a balance in this community that very well may never have existed, much like the City of Gold or the Fountain of Youth. Or perhaps it's that quest of balance and peace that has led to failure in the long run on my end. I don't fucking know I'm not a psychology major. Probably why I'm not much good at this job. Admittedly, I haven't been very fair to some members of the community. I let my hatred blind my judgement and I allowed simple things to get under my skin. It's always been that way. I grew up being everyone's target. I was always everyone's punching bag, especially in middle school. I was the definition of nerd and mental retardation. I had special classes, needed assistance from teacher aides, and I was the definition of anti-social. This was middle school, and it was a dark chapter where I was repeatedly humiliated by either students or by teachers. I can't forget some of what has happened, and pray to god that one day I will be able to move past it. I honestly felt fear and a desire to die. Hell, every year at picture day, I would get into a fight with the same kid cause I was starting to get tired of their shit. Then 8th grade's picture day rolled around. It happened again... only that time I didn't hold back. I beat the fucking shit out of that kid, and my entire class watched in horror as one of the bigger kids of the school got knocked senseless by an autistic nerd. That was probably the moment when I changed course entirely, and started to fight in the hopes of securing myself. Why am I telling you this? Simple. Fighting has been a part of me for years. It has made me feel a lot safer when I fight, when I can prove I can stand up for myself or others. It is always a chess game; trying to figure out the next move, the next big victory to keep back a wall of pain and misery from overwhelming me. I wouldn't take shit from anyone without clashing. I fought with my own mother consistently even. I figured the rules were the same everywhere. Then again, you get stunted with autism and then you get stunted as a wallflower, you're bound to believe that everyone has a very similar mindset. Even in NS, the rules seemed to be the same. Then I hit The North Pacific. I found that the rules weren't always the same there. Fighting wasn't a thing I needed. Actually, I think I was pretty well liked by not making waves. That was the first time I actually tried to talk things out with people, and it felt a lot easier. I figured that maybe there was a better way, and I decided to try that in Nysa. However, I was pretty much back to fighting the moment I reached there, especially when I didn't agree with Battlion as President. Admittedly, things weren't much better with Oracia when I was handed power in first President, then RP Minister and now Administrator. It's here that I had my true first taste of diversity in Out Of Character matters, and I admit it was a very big culture shock. I figured I would charge through it and protect the Nysan side as much as possible. I kinda forgot to mention that I liked fighting to most of the community. Yeah... probably should have noted that on my resume. ![]() To me, fighting works out frustrations and provides a background for talks towards peace. It always has been, whether by complete annihilation of the other side (8th grade) or working out issues privately after venting our frustrations (a lot of times in Oracia). I feel that to work for peace and serenity, one must be willing to fight for it. One must be pushed to their limit and see their resolve and beliefs tested and assaulted. It shows the true character when under such circumstances. Whether you actively avoid conflict like Flo, fight to the end like me, or somewhere in the middle like- well I guess I don't have an example of that. Lines maybe?- it gave me insight. This is where things get tricky. At first when I met Flo, I did fight him on a few things. I admit I was very much surprised and very annoyed when he actively avoided fighting me on them. I actually was a bit insulted. Here was the Prime Minister and a Moderator for Alterra and he wasn't even defending himself!? That was so unbelievable to me that I couldn't imagine someone doing that. But then I got to know Florinthus. I got to see how he ticks and that he fights in his own way. He doesn't fight for his beliefs; he tries to fight for everyone to speak their beliefs in a calm manner. Back then, I thought this was ridiculous and up until a few days ago, still did to an extent. Now, I hold much more respect for him; it takes a lot of willpower to not attack points not agreed with and much more for him to defend people's rights to express said points. Now this is where the rest of the buildup begins, on my issue with Dom. There was a lot of fault resting on me in that situation. It had been a very long time coming apparently, though I don't really remember fighting with him so much as to cause me anxiety. Now, I realize that not everyone fights for a living or for their beliefs; Dom was one of those people and for a time he held my respect. I don't know if he holds my respect now. I don't really know and admittedly, I was going to say yes. But this is the first person- wait no, second- I have never reached a final resolution with. Our issues are unable to be resolved, because of a refusal to speak. Miscommunication has plagued our relationship and that has harmed the community as a whole. I never thought that my drive to bring Dom to talk with me about our issues would end like this, but maybe I was too optimistic. To this day, he will not speak to me. As he readminned King, he noted this to members of the forum in Chatango that I should never contact him again and that my problems should go elsewhere.[1] This is the second time my problems were not personally resolved with someone. The first is why I have finances as a berserker button, as this first person nearly brought my family to financial ruin and destroyed almost a decade of friendship for financial gain. So now the backstory is concluded. Now, we're at the crossroads and I'm alongside the majority of you. Should I stay or should I go? That's the question everyone is asking themselves. This is where I must apologize, because I can not answer that question myself anymore. Although I've learned a lot about myself, I have kept to one certain point in particular in recent years: when I cause a large enough mess, it's time for me to go. This is the first time I am still considering staying despite the mess I have caused, because I really do not want to leave. The reason I hate when people say this is a game or this is just forums is because it isn't just that to me. I've learned a lot more about myself and the world in my year here than throughout most of elementary, middle, and high school combined. Although I have always known there is more gray than black and white, I never realized how much gray there can be until the last weekend. So now what? Well, I need that answer from you guys. Lines has mentioned he has lost peace from this place and that this new Oracia has shattered the old peace of Caprecia. I can not guarantee it will return, with our diversities. I can guarantee that there can be more ways to achieve something akin to peace beyond my old beliefs and I have realized that there can be far more to gain by using a variety of methods rather than the tough guy stance. I hope that I can help bring this community closer towards peace, but also expand the horizons of this community beyond roleplaying and into media, gaming, and other things that we have adopted with a frenzy. Alternatively, I can watch from the shadows. I can just shadow the place and make sure things are working properly as a technician for the site. Beyond that, I may post in RPs here and there but overall I'll be relatively behind the scenes and out of mind. ...Or just tell me to get out and not come back. If the damage I have done to the peace is so great that nothing I can do can fix what I've broken, then I'll follow my old policy and leave. If enough people want me gone, then that's what I'll do, especially if certain people will not leave because of it. Lead, follow, or get out. That's really my options unless you have a fourth one. In any of those, I'm going to try and remember that there is a history behind me and that I must repent for the actions I may have done in my efforts to find my own personal peace at the potential expense of others. As an Administrator, that isn't my job. My job is to work towards peace for the community and I have come to realize that. I want to help in any way I can, but I need to know what people are going to want to see before I take any action. I can't promise that if I stay things will be immediately better. There's a lot of ill will around and I know that people are furious for my participation in the disaster that has nearly torn this community apart. I am also human; my moment of clarity now is a lot easier than when I'm getting insulted or critiqued and I'm the first to admit it. But I will try, just like everyone else. My power is vested from the people. So... what do the people say? [1] Quick note: I apologize to certain members as I promised not to bring that up, but I felt this piece was very important to tie together the last part of this long speech. |
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| Brum Brum | Aug 27 2014, 04:02 AM Post #2 |
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Super Power
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Ikar I wish you well with anything you move onto. As someone who's been through experiences of being "the freak" and having to fight my corner myself I can understand how it can affect you so much later. I just want you to know even when we had disagreements I respected you , I know that stress is not brilliant and can change people. Its not just you who has these things, there's always help around somewhere. |
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| Brum Brum | Aug 27 2014, 04:17 AM Post #3 |
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Super Power
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Ikar, I'd honestly say stay. We'll find a way to adapt as a community and maybe part of it is us the community adapting. |
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| Mestra | Aug 27 2014, 05:56 AM Post #4 |
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Regional Power
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I stand with you my friend, for no community is stronger than when it faces danger; when it faces utter ruin. While the incident that has occurred is unfortunate to say the least, we will rise above and be stronger for it. Of this I have faith. In that I urge you to remain an integral part of this community, work with others; help them grow and develop into their own. Be the mentor who understands and who can show conviction where it is warranted, and guide those who are/were like yourself. To those in this community who hold grudges, who feel betrayed and feel this community teetering on the abyss I say this: Do not let such things that have transpired in the past or that shall transpire in the future to force you to make hasty decisions that you may one day regret. Nothing is so worse than to find friends among the nations of this world than to leave them in such a disastrous state. I for one know these things from my own experiences. Let us not forget that we are all human beings, that we are prone to make mistakes, to judge where judgement is not needed, and to turn a blind eye to reason and logic. We are creatures of emotion, and yet we can think and understand beyond those base desires; those base urges and needs. To you I say think with reason, look deep within yourselves and determine the path that you must take here and now, but be cautious. Take your time, formulate your ideals and your opinions. Do not so hastily speak of these things, as I and many others have done in the past and continue to do so. As I have said we are all creatures of emotion. For all of this I call upon you all. All those that feel betrayed, angry, those who show hostility, and sadness. I call upon those who stand loyal, firm and resolute. I call you all together brothers and sisters of Oracia to stand together and together we shall form an unbreakable bond. We are not Nysan and Caprecian we are Oracian, we are a community, and we are a family. A Family of friends, enemies, and everything in between. We rise and fall together like the waves of the sea. Yet we must learn to bend and sway like great trees caught in a mighty wind. We must learn to flow like water, to be at peace. Not the kind of peace that includes no quarrels, but a peace of mind that we are together despite our varying opinoins, despite our beliefs, and despite our disagreements. For this may just be a forum, for this may just be a game, for this may just be a community among the electronic pattern that makes up the internet; we must remember that if we as people are to change the world we must take that first step in recognizing other peoples differences. To learn to accept, respect and acknowledge each other not for our similarities but for our differences. Commit to such ideals here and now on this forum, in a place where you cannot see each other, to interact physically and in person. Commit and act and we shall be strong, we shall be of the mind that a single unified world is far better than what we inherited from our fore fathers. |
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| Lomarre | Aug 27 2014, 07:15 AM Post #5 |
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High-Kingdom of Lomarre
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I think letting you back in as an admin should be voted in in the assembly. Other than that stay bro.
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| Raz | Aug 27 2014, 10:35 AM Post #6 |
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Titans falling, Sons rising?
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I'm gonna say, as this is a personal issue rather than OOC politics, that you should stay, live, learn, move on. If you're investment in the cause (whatever it may be, here or elsewhere) is great enough stay with it, because why let that go to waste because something didn't go correct? Blunders are life, without them you don't grow, and I'd encourage learning and growth. Stay on, even if you don't gain adminship again, because community and relationships are more important than power. |
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| Atulke | Aug 27 2014, 10:39 AM Post #7 |
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Meh, I ask a ton of questions.
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I would say that if I had to choose, I would choose that you stay behind the scenes, not because you're bad (I actually like your style) but I also feel that it's... stressful and it's not something that you should do if you don't feel up to it. But if you're convinced you can improve yourself and how you run the region, I will hold faith in you. |
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| Kingborough | Aug 27 2014, 06:27 PM Post #8 |
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The Monarchist
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I 100% think you should stay Ikar. Yes you have disagreements with people (even fullblown fights), but then that is how the world works. Not everyone can get on with everyone else and neither should just give up on something because of that. This mess wasn't your fault for the most part in any case, and now your RP Minister you can just avoid people who cause issues - though honestly I think some of people (not naming names) who caused issues during your Ministry deserve being screamed at. |
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| Arkiania | Aug 27 2014, 07:27 PM Post #9 |
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Large Socialist State
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You should stay Ikar. You are the root of the Nysan Community, and yes we will have fights however we are human beings with different opinions. |
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| Alvino Castillon | Aug 30 2014, 03:04 AM Post #10 |
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The Badass
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For now I'm going to stick around and play a somewhat active role in the region. Depending on how things go, I'll proceed in some fashion. |
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