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A moment of anger
Topic Started: Nov 5 2007, 10:12 PM (261 Views)
Matika
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Wrote this over a year ago, shortly after I lost my Lover in an accident that stranded me in the usa. It shows what stupity a person does in sometimes in moments grief and depression. I held a temperary position at a local university teaching taoism for a professor that went out on maturnity leave. I was awaiting lazer surgery to remove the scar that had received in that accident then was planning to go home this summer. Never made it home. Anyway, here it is

A moment of anger


Not long ago out of anger and frustration
With pencil put hole through thigh in an ugly formation.
Was numb so no pain did I feel
Did not even care if it would heal.

For long moments of fascination at the blood I stared
As it oozed from beneath my fist, but I did not care.
More than once I did this and never felt the pain
Was I going mad or was I already insane

My two friends who I chat with on line,
Only one did I tell at the time.
Of what I had done, I told him much less,
Using the keyboard, I covered the bloody mess

Chatting with my friends began to occupy my mind
I forgot about what had done with the passage of time.
When one friend signed off, made me promise not to do anything bad.
What he didn’t really know, I already had.

With my own eyes growing heavy, remember to my friend what I had said
I lifted the keyboard and saw that around the pencil, my leg still bled
Oozing down my thigh, onto the floor did the blood for a pool
The blood that coated my under keyboard made it definitely look uncool

A roll of scotch tape from the top of the desk top I did take
An idea that only one would think of who’s mind was half baked
Still sitting on the floor, growing too tire to think, I slid down to go to sleep
Hoping it would be eternal slumber, but if not then till morning it would keep.

Dream came as usual, though something was different though it seamed.
For somewhere in the distance, as it was not me, I heard a scream.
As with my dreams they would always leave me to anguish
But this was different, for with the scream they did vanish.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, that the scream had heard was not a dream.
But yet my eyes would not open, my thoughts were wrong, or so it would seem.
As with any dream the time that passes is not clear
But when next drew close to wakening from the far distance, voices I did hear.

The voices seemed to recognize, but was not sure
For everything in my mind was still a blur.
Once more I tried to open my eyes
To reveal what I heard for its lies.


No, I could not, so I must still be asleep
Why should I care, for the nightmares had vanished, and so they still did keep
I felt a gentle touch upon my neck
It did not hurt so what the heck

Then suddenly a pain of a bee sting I felt in my arm,
Which tried to raise within me some alarm.
But then too along with the voices that did flee
Whoever it was who entered my dreams had decided to let me be

But then my body began to uncontrollably began to shake
The same as when a certain medicine I had once been required to take.
Chills ran wildly up and down my spine the chills did flow
Out across my skin little bumps did grow.

But then I felt something that I had not felt in over a year.
Something that even in this dream, to my eyes brought a tear.
For someone laid down beside me, enveloped me in their arms
Their soft words ensnared me with their charms.

Slowly into me did the warmth of their embrace seep
Silently I envisioned my lover and began to weep.
I tried to return the embrace, but my arms could not raise
So I was laid there, mind beginning to grow in a fuzzy haze.

When I awoke, I opened my eyes with dread
Yes, I was alone, but I was in my bed.
This was not right, for the den floor is where I usually sleep
For moments I laid there trying to think before rising to my feet.

Thought was not clear, as a fog still remained in my head.
My feet slid to the floor, thinking to rise to face the day with dread
But screamed instead
As a pain shot from my thigh to my head.

Now a question that plagues me as you can see
What was a dream, and what was reality?

by Dawn, Y.N.
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