Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to SSC Australia. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Fishing anyone?
Topic Started: Aug 25 2004, 11:20 AM (153 Views)
FOST
Member Avatar
Fost of the Um Braged :D
[ *  *  * ]
One Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs his dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and down to the driveway he goes

Coming out of his garage the rain is pouring down: it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow and sleet mixed in with the rain. The wind is blowing at over 50mph.

Minutes later he returns to the garage. He comes back into the house. Turns the TV to the weather channel and he finds it is going to be very bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.

There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible". To which she sleepily replies, "Yeah, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in it?"
#####################################################
A Fishermans Philosophy
A sure way to get a bite on a slow day is:
Talk about changing spots
Prepare another rod while one is out
Lay your rod down unsecured
Go for a sandwich
Start to pull the boat anchor
Use the worst fly you own
Crack open your first beer
Crack open your last beer
Take notice of the chick on a passing boat, bank or beach
Watch others fishing
Start reeling in your lines at going home time
Give your fishing rod to a female companion or child to hold
When your landing net is out of reach
When you have cast your line over an obstruction
When you line has drifted into impossible weeds
When you turn to look at the sunrise or sunset
Decide that you need to take a leak


#####################################################
A fisherman's wife gave birth to twin boys. When the babies were side by side, they always looked in opposite directions, so they were named Forward and Away. Years later the fisherman took his sons fishing, but they didn't return.

Months passed, and the wife finally spotted her husband plodding sadly up the beach. He explained to her that during their trip, Forward had hooked an enormous fish. He had struggled for hours, when suddenly the fish pulled Forward into the water and they never saw him again. "That's just terrible! his wife said.

"It was terrible all right," said the fisherman. "But you should have seen the one that got Away
********************************************************************
The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied only a little while.
The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.The American then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your time? The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life, senor."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat, with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."
The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all take?" To which the American replied, "15-20 years." "But what then, senor?"The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.""Millions, senor? Then what?"
The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."
********************************************************************
Two guys are talking about fishing. One says to the other, "I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!"
"That bad, huh?"
"She did everything wrong! She did everything wrong! She talked too much, made the boat rock constantly, tried o stand up in the boat, baited the hook wrong, used the wrong lures and worst of all she caught more fish than me!" he replied.
********************************************************************
An Irish priest loved to fly fish. It was an obsession, but so far this year the weather had been so bad that he had not had a chance to get his beloved wadders on and his favourite flies out of their box. Strangly though every Sunday the weather had been good, but of course Sunday is the day he has to go to work. The weather forcast was again good for the coming Sunday so he called a fellow priest cliaming to have lost his voice and in bed with the flu. He asked if he could take over his sermon.
The fly fishing priest drove fifty miles to a river near the coast so that no one would recognise him. An angel up in Heaven was keeping watch and saw what the priest was doing. He informed God who agreed that he should do something.
With the first cast of his line a huge fish mouth gulped down the fly. For over an hour the priest ran up and down the river bank fighting the fish. At the end when he finally landed the monster size fish it turned out to be a world record Salmon.
Confused the angel asked God, "Why did you let him catch that huge fish? I thought you were going to teach him a lesson." God replied "I did. Who do you think he is going to tell?"
#####################################################
What is the definition of a 'Fisherman's Thumb'?
A temporary hook holder
What is the definition of a 'Fisherman's Knot'?
The insecure connection between your fly hook and your fishing line
What is the definition of a 'live bait'?
The biggest fish you will handle all day
What is the definition of a 'Treble Hook'?
A hook that trebles the odds of you catching a fish but quadruples the odds of you getting it caught in your thumb
What is the definition of an 'Angler'?
An obsessive individual who owns a house that is falling down due to neglect
********************************************************************
Near a highway bridge several boats were scattered about in the lake as there was the Annual Bass Catchers Classic fishing tournament in progress, when a funeral procession came by on the bridge. Everybody just kept on fishing except for one fisherman, who put his fishing pole down, stood up, removed his hat and remained in that fashion until the funeral procession was passed. A nearby fisherman happened to see this and was impressed at how respectful the man had been, so he cranked up his boat and pulled up beside the other mans boat. "Howdy, I saw how considerate you were toward that funeral procession, pausing and standing like that. I wish I had been as thoughtful"

The other man replied, "I reckon it's the least I could do. After all, we'd been married for nearly 30 years."
#####################################################
The game warden couldn't figure out why Jack (a man of many fish but few words) always came home with a creel full of fish. The warden suspected foul play so he invited himself on a fishing trip with Jack. They boarded a small rowboat and worked their way out to the center of the lake in question. Jack reaches into his knapsack, pulls out a stick of dynamite and lights the fuse. "Now wait a minute here Jack," the game warden says, "this type of business is strictly illegal!" Jack hands him the dynamite and says, "You gonna fish or you gonna talk."
********************************************************************
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend
********************************************************************
AND FINALLY
I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife
...best trade I ever made."
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Starta
Unregistered

http://neistat.com/pages/video_holding/goldfish_holding.htm <--- = fishing :thud
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Go_PoD-SSC--
Member Avatar
It ^^^^is a snail...not a turd:)
[ *  *  * ]
:roflmao some gooduns there m8 :D
Posted Image

<img src="http://www.ssc-squad.com/sigstats/sig.php?id=791&bg=eye.jpg&c=Gõ_PõD-SSC--&i=au&r=1&v=b" border="0">

Quote:
 
*BOINK*.....OW!............................Oh Hi Purity.....
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Go_PoD-SSC--
Member Avatar
It ^^^^is a snail...not a turd:)
[ *  *  * ]
Lmao!!....love that fish movie:D
Posted Image

<img src="http://www.ssc-squad.com/sigstats/sig.php?id=791&bg=eye.jpg&c=Gõ_PõD-SSC--&i=au&r=1&v=b" border="0">

Quote:
 
*BOINK*.....OW!............................Oh Hi Purity.....
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
feralist-ssc-
Member Avatar
Advanced Member
[ *  *  * ]
:roflmao :roflmao :roflmao :roflmao :D good ones m8
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
« Previous Topic · Humor · Next Topic »
Add Reply