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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 22 2011, 11:03 PM (492 Views) | |
| [ANWA]dad2 | Sep 22 2011, 11:03 PM Post #1 |
General
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The Department of Dangerous Fauna Management Drop Bears: An In-Depth Study By [ANWA]dad2 Location Drop Bears are common everywhere in Australia. Nearly hunted to extinction, they survived by fleeing to Tasmania, where they thrived. Isolated colonies still remained in the far reaches of Australia. They are known for taking the Tasmanian Tiger to extinction. Environment Drop Bears can survive and thrive in the most inhospitable environments. Populations of drop bears have been found everywhere, from, Industrial Ports to Nuclear Wastelands; there’s nowhere too harsh for a drop bear. Appearances Drop Bears naturally look identical to their cousin the koala. This helps with hunting as the supposed predator hesitates before attacking. In these vital seconds, a drop bear can strike back with ferocious accuracy, tearing the animal limb from limb. After eating their prey, they absorb the genetic traits of the body, making it common in some colonies to have drop bears with tiger or zebra stripes, fangs, or even a pair of horns. Hunting Drop Bears are natural hunters and can kill almost anything. With their 60km 360 Degree vision they are able to sense and see prey miles away. This allows them plenty of time to get into position. Once a drop bear is over their target, they drop while forcing all their body weight down into their butt cheeks. This often crushes the prey’s head in. They are also not above hunting humans. They can also use their koala-like appearance to distract would-be predators (see Appearances above). In regards to humans, they will drop onto their shoulders, take them into a death role (like a crocodile) and then proceed to scratch your eyes out with their titanium-strength claws. The “pack attack” and the “Dropping Fang/Fang over Fang” techniques are also common (especially in the bush). Human Contact In the last 10 years, humans have been more frequently coming into contact with drop bears. Bushwalkers frequently trespass on their domain, with no idea of the danger that lurks above them. In 2010, 3556 people were taken down by “air assault.” All were American. Government Cover-up Due to the nature and the danger presented to the economy if any information is leaked about the drop bear, the government has black-listed all drop bear casualties, reporting that no such thing ever happened or existed. If other countries found out, Australia tourist economy would crushed, as no backpacker in his right mind would come to Australia if he/she knew the truth. Fighting the Drop Bear Only Australians truly have the power to fight off the drop bears. Americans and Canadians have no chance at all (probably due to a lack of strong beer ). The only way to combat them is to;•Not wear Deodorant/s •Cover oneself with a liberal coating of vegemite all over the body (yes everywhere!) •Not be American. Americans need a Australian Professional Drop Bear Wrangler (most commonly known as a tour guide) to fight them off. •Hold a screwdriver above over your head. This should impale them as they drop down. Doesn’t mean it’ll actually kill them though. Drop bears are way more resistant than that! TAKE THE INITIATIVE TODAY AND FIGHT OFF THE DROP BEAR PEST TODAY! ****************************************************************** Only because you asked sUB, This is a privelege!!! cheers dad2 Edited by [ANWA]dad2, Sep 22 2011, 11:05 PM.
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| ANWA-sUB | Sep 22 2011, 11:37 PM Post #2 |
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DDSPA Co-Leader
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Haha that's a great start to the guide. Thanks for putting that up for me ![]() I wonder how long the final version will be
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![]() ~ Black Ops FC ~ 5033-2184-8634 Mario Kart FC ~ 1333-5373-5885 Modern Warfare: Reflex FC ~ 2485-7063-8148 Modern Warfare 3 FC ~ 3087-5645-3968 ANWA|*sUB youtube/ssssssUB | |
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| Deleted User | Sep 23 2011, 12:31 AM Post #3 |
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Deleted User
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Hahahaha, this is amazing!!! I fucking love it! I could not stop laughing. I am 50/50 American Australian. Does this mean I am safe? |
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| ANWA-LostBrink | Sep 23 2011, 12:40 AM Post #4 |
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1st Lieutenant
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"they drop while forcing all their body weight down into their butt cheeks. This often crushes the prey’s head" HAHAHA. I can't wait for more! This is great! |
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UNCHARTED 3, MODERN WARFARE 3, BATTLEFIELD 3 - END OF GAMING 3 ERA ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear ; do not be frightened." Take Courage 1 Peter 3:14 ANWA-LostBrink Now you know..
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| [ANWA]dad2 | Sep 23 2011, 09:05 AM Post #5 |
General
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Suicide...... You should be safe, but just to be sure, cover half of yourself in vegemite and then start speaking as much Australian slang as possible just to be sure. Just remember not to stand under a tree. There is a saying about some animals that states - "They can smell your fear." Well with drop bears - "They can smell Americans" But Suicide, the most important advice I can give you is...... Look up, Stay alive. Stay safe this Spring guys! Not long till all the roo's come out from hibernation! cheers dad2 PS - I have lost my ability to edit my posts unless it is the latest post. Is someone able to fix this at all/Who do I talk to to get it fixed? Edited by [ANWA]dad2, Sep 23 2011, 09:08 AM.
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| Deleted User | Sep 23 2011, 10:32 AM Post #6 |
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LOL Go dad2, what else can I say really???? I am going to be laughing about this for the rest of the day.
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| Deleted User | Jan 1 2012, 12:15 AM Post #7 |
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I want a copy of the finished product for sure! You need to get this published Dad2. Seriously, it is brilliant! |
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). The only way to combat them is to;






10:36 AM Jul 11
