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Dad2's helpful travel advice for tourists; This will keep you alive
Topic Started: May 8 2011, 02:01 PM (254 Views)
[ANWA]dad2
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General
1. The sign that says Koala's near roads, means there are drop bears around. Don't get out of the car. Close all openings to the cars. Keep driving and DO NOT STOP.

2. When in a wooded area, always look up incase of a drop bear attack.

3. With dropbears, strength in numbers for humans (does the opposite). They have once killed a whole family out bush walking. It was heavily censored, so you guys never heard about it.

4. Always have a rifle, or blunt instrument ready when you go into a wooded area.

5. Overnight, my friend, the kangaroo breeder, had 200 out of his 400 kangaroos killed. He was then attacked by a drop bear while playing BOps.

6. Make sure to prune all trees near your roof. They can get in through the roof and get to the unsuspecting family inside.

7. Never go near a drop bear, even if it looks cute. They are the most friendly before they attack. Many have found this out the hard way.

8. Only Australians can fight kangaroos. If you didn't learn how to when you were 4, you better take a course on how to soon.

9.The drop bears you see in zoos are their rare and endangered cousin, the koala. These are friendly and are not very dangerous (They will only maul your leg off; nothing too serious)

10. Never walk alone in the bush. Your easy prey then.

11. Don't wear deoderent while in the bush. The drop bears are attracted to this.

12. Don't talk in an american accent while in the bush. Preferably don't talk at all. Drop bears can hear for 20kms in all directions.

13. There are two types of drop bear - the urban and the rural species. Watch out for them both.

14. Make sure that your tracks in the bush are visible. You will need them to run away.

Lastly,

15. Don't go out of your home at night. Drop bears do not sleep and hunt in both day and night, wet or dry conditions. You will be easy prey if you do.

16. In Australia, we say "sticks and stones can break my bones, but only a drop bear can kill me."

Disclaimer: this guide is for educational purposes only and may be entirely fictuous. But we'll let you find that out for yourself. ;)


cheers
dad2
Edited by [ANWA]dad2, May 8 2011, 03:45 PM.
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ANWA~CALDOGZ
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MAN OF STEEL
haha Dad, you should become a comedian :P
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ANWA-sUB
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haha that was hilarious. next time a see a group of americans ill tell them all these to 'help them' :D
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ANWA-Alpha
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So this is what you have been saying.

I shall use these in a commentary possibly
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:rofl: Yeah you gotta watch out for those drop bears, tear your face off they will... :rofl:
I like this dad2 awesome write up mate. :lol:
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