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| Daddy's Rules for Dating | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 26 2009, 04:07:07 PM (72 Views) | |
Snappy
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May 26 2009, 04:07:07 PM Post #1 |
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Sexy Sizzling Schmoozer
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I had this email and thought it was quite amusing for all you with teenage daughters on the dating scene.... There was an application form as well but some of it was a bit racist so I didn't want to post it up :ooer: Daddy's Rules for Dating Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy): Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.' Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Sydney Harbor Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool, places where there is darkness, places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay. Cricket games are okay...Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. |
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Melibeam
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May 26 2009, 04:46:03 PM Post #2 |
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Most Exceptional Lady
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:lol: love it :yes: |
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moneypen20
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May 26 2009, 04:46:52 PM Post #3 |
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Bond's Beaut Bombshell
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:lol: Kevan is remarkably relaxed about Heather and dating. So far she has picked well and they've all be nice guys. My main rule is that when she has them round the bedroom door stays open, wide open. If the wind blows it shut, the wind must blow it open again quick smart :wink: The latest one is a great guy but had a habit of chewing lumps out of her neck :whistle: Now been there, done that but Woolies do not approve and neither do the Kindy where she's doing her childcare certificate so I had to deeply embarrass him. Not done it since :dance2: |
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| ABCDiamond | May 26 2009, 05:11:49 PM Post #4 |
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Printed and given to my daughter, now to go back to polishing my samurai swords. |
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Lynnj
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May 26 2009, 05:39:32 PM Post #5 |
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I especially love the bit about the pants looking like they are going to fall off, what is with that fashion, undies are so called because they are worn under not hanging out the top, infact when I was young(er) if you were flashing your undies out the top of your pants you'd really have the peess ripped out of you. |
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moneypen20
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May 26 2009, 05:46:49 PM Post #6 |
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Bond's Beaut Bombshell
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I was waiting for the girls to come out of school one day and this lad decided to leap the fence rather than walk through the gateway. He had the droopy pant look and on landing on the other side of the fence, his shorts landed around his ankles. I was still crying when the girls finally got to the car :lmao: |
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Lynnj
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May 26 2009, 06:00:12 PM Post #7 |
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I'm crying just thinking about it. :rofl: |
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rjs
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May 27 2009, 12:14:55 AM Post #8 |
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Richly Joyful Sylph
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:lol: |
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Snappy




moneypen20


11:01 AM Jul 11