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| Who said church wasn't a laugh ?!! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 29 2008, 07:00:45 PM (49 Views) | |
ohippy
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Jan 29 2008, 07:00:45 PM Post #1 |
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Original Opulent Optimist
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These sentences ( with all the BLOOPERS ) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: -------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." -------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. -------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. -------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. -------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. -------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. -------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practise. -------------------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. -------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. -------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. -------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. -------------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. -------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. -------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. -------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. -------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. -------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. -------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. -------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six Students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic! 1. Don't change horses until they stop running. 2. Strike while the bug is close. 3. It's always darkest before Daylight Saving Time. 4. Never underestimate the power of termites. 5. You can lead a horse to water but How? 6. Don't bite the hand that looks dirty. 7. No news is impossible 8. A miss is as good as a Mr. 9. You can't teach an old dog new Math 10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll stink in the morning. 11. Love all, trust Me. 12. The pen is mightier than the pigs. 13. An idle mind is the best way to relax. 14. Where there's smoke there's pollution. 15. Happy the bride who gets all the presents. 16. A penny saved is not much. 17. Two's company, three's the Musketeers. 18. Don't put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed. 19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and You have to blow your nose. 20. There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder. 21. Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded. 22. If at first you don't succeed get new batteries. 23. You get out of something only what you See in the picture on the box 24. When the blind lead the blind get out of the way. 25. A bird in the hand is going to poop on you. And the WINNER and last one! 26. Better late than Pregnant |
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BIX
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Jan 29 2008, 08:36:39 PM Post #2 |
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Boner-fide Bonza Bloke
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I've not laughed so much since August. Absolutely top drawer stuff :thumbsup: |
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rjs
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Jan 29 2008, 10:41:38 PM Post #3 |
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Richly Joyful Sylph
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:lol: :lol: |
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| Tiredwithtwins | Jan 30 2008, 07:08:30 AM Post #4 |
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Admin
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absolutely pmsl at all of them, but this one had me howling with laughter!!!!! |
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Anastasia Beaverhausen
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Jan 30 2008, 05:33:35 PM Post #5 |
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"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands." The best of all of them :rofl: |
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ohippy
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Jan 30 2008, 08:03:17 PM Post #6 |
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Original Opulent Optimist
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:lol: I still have tears in my eyes :thumbsup: |
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ohippy



rjs


10:59 AM Jul 11